In Quest of Weed
by LisaT
Summary: Rumour has it that there's several crates of the New Caprican weed hidden in the Fleet. Cue the chase, told through a series of emails. A/R, Cally/Tyrol, Athena/Helo etc. Complete, for now.
1. Chapter 1

_I've been trying to find Naked Quidditch Match style fanfic for BSG and met with very limited success. So I've decided to have a go. Please do R & R! Apologies for everything being squished up -FFN won't let me have it otherwise._

_**

* * *

IN QUEST OF WEED**_

* * *

From: Random Minion on Deck Twelve, _Random Ship_

To: Tom Zarek, _Colonial One_.

Re: vegetation

* * *

Hey, guess what we found in the depths of the _Aerilon Express_? Three crates – three! – of a certain combustible material. I'm saying no more. *wink, nudge* Pass on the instructions, boss.

* * *

From: Tom Zarek, Vice-President, _Colonial One_

To: Random Minion, Deck Twelve, _Random Ship_

Re: re: vegetation

* * *

Dear Mr Whateveryournameis,

Please note that the Quorum member for Aerilon must be informed if the AE is transporting potentially illegal items. This is not the responsibility of the presidential office.

Regards,

Tom Zarek.

* * *

From: Tom Zarek (encrypted private mail)

To: Random Minion Most In Need of a Brain Transplant

Re: what the frak?

* * *

WTH are you playing at? Sending THAT mail to my official address? Granted, Roslin isn't the Fleet's most tech-savvy, but that Foster woman IS and I'm sure she's found a way of monitoring my mail. If you want to contact me about … business … use this address, otherwise I've a feeling you'll be out of an airlock before you can say 'airlock'.

Now the important stuff. Leak the word to our contacts on the other civvy ships. I'll try and pump a few likelies on Galactica and Pegasus, but it needs to be done carefully. If either of the Adamas caught wind of this, we'd be in deep trouble. The Admiral is just looking for an excuse to get rid of me as it is.

* * *

From: Random Engineer and Union Member, _Tylium Ship_

To: Chief Tyrol, _Galactica_

Re: interesting discovery

* * *

Hey Chief,

Guess what I found when I was recalibrating the whatsits when the tylium refinery went nuts last week. A crate of everyone's favourite smokable from New Caprica. Now, I know most of us would be happy to never hear – or read – those words again, you've got to admit that pre-Occupation it wasn't all bad, and the weed was certainly one of the good bits. We thought we'd never see it again, but apparently some bright spark managed to smuggle some aboard during the exodus. I'm going to let the other union members know. Hell, we deserve it.

* * *

From: Chief Tyrol, _Galactica._

To: Random Engineer and Union Member, _Tylium Ship_.

CC: All NCU members, BSG knuckledraggers.

RE: 'interesting discovery'

* * *

If anyone hears ANYTHING about this 'interesting discovery' – by which I mean details, people – tell me ASAP. You lot have no sense of self-preservation. Cally, didn't your little gang learn from the still debacle just after the Fall?

* * *

From: Cally

To: Galen

RE: Nicky

* * *

Hah, not really. Just wanted to say that I've heard through word of mouth that IT has been moved to a safe place on board the _Astral Queen_. I don't think I need to tell you what that means. Somehow, we need to get it back before Zarek starts economising in a way that I don't think either of Our Illustrious Leaders would approve. Not that I care about that as much as the fact that if Zarek, or Roslin or the old man get their hands on it, we won't.

* * *

From: Galen

To: Cally

RE: re: Nicky

* * *

Cal, I think sleep dep has finally caught up with you. Honestly, can you see the President or the Admiral smoking weed? If so, you've a better imagination than I have.

* * *

From: Cally, The Worldly One

To: Galen the Innocent

Re: RE: re: Nicky

* * *

Oh, you sweet little innocent, you. You really don't know much about women. Didn't you SEE what Roslin was wearing the day of Baltar's precious ground-breaking ceremony? Lady in Red, she was. And she hung on to the old man's arm all day.

* * *

From: Galen, much affronted

To: My Know-It-All Wife

Re:Re:re:RE: Nicky

* * *

Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty in using our son to cover up your machinations? So she wore red. What about it? Looked good on her, I thought. Kinda sexy, for an old lady. Still doesn't mean they were smoking.

* * *

From: Random Knuckledragger

To: Chief Tyrol

Re: blowing the top

* * *

Chief, I think I've done something stupid. Me and another knuckledragger were talking about the stash, and Athena gave us a very funny look as she got into her bird. I've a feeling she heard more that she should've, what with her Cylon hearing an' all. What if she tells Helo? Or worse, the old man? FRAK.

* * *

From: Lieutenant Agathon

To: Captain Agathon

Re: eavesdropping on the hangar deck

* * *

Helo,

I think the knuckledraggers are running some sort of drug op. Normally I wouldn't care – it's their guts, after all – but these are knuckledraggers. What they know, Tyrol and Cally know. Which means they're ALL in it. Which means the safety of all our birds is at risk. What should I do?

* * *

From: Karl

To: Sharon

Re: re: eavesdropping

* * *

Well, you know what they say about eavesdropping. Never does you any good, and now you're in a pretty pickle. I'd say nothing – nearly all – or all – of that lot were on New Caprica, and the less they see of you the better, even if you did save their collective asses. Don't worry, I'm on it.

* * *

From: Captain Agathon

To: Captain Thrace

Re: a query

* * *

Starbuck,

Athena thinks she heard the knuckledraggers discussing some kind of drug stash they've got running. She might've misheard, or it could just be another one of their stills. But just in case, shouldn't someone do something? If the knuckledraggers are stoned at work, we're ALL at risk if the birds aren't properly maintained.

* * *

From: Starbuck

To: Helo, who has a conscience too big for its boots

Re: stash

* * *

HANG ON A SEC. Are you telling me those geniuses have found a way to get us some stuff? Great. Frabjous day. D'you know how long it's been since I've had anything resembling a high? Who do I talk to? *rubs hands in glee*

* * *

From: Helo with XO Hat On

To: Starbuck, who is Walking A Fine Line.

Re: re: stash

* * *

I prefer to stay legal, Captain Thrace. I know that's too boring for you. All I know is that Athena thinks Cally and Tyrol are involved, which means it might have something to do with NC.

* * *

From: Captain Thrace-as-God

To: Tyrol, King of the Knuckledraggers

Re: rumours of STASH

* * *

I'm in. Whatever you're planning, Sam and I are in.

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, _Colonial One._

To: William Adama, Fleet Admiral, _Galactica_.

RE: Controlling Illegal Substances

* * *

Admiral,

It has come to my attention via my aide that rumours are circulating the fleet re: the possibility of certain illegal substances having come back with us from New Caprica. Clearly this is a matter of military and civilian security and it would be in the best interests of all concerned for us to discuss our tactics re: securing the contraband. Please contact my office to arrange a meeting ASAP.

Laura Roslin.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama, _Galactica_

To: The President, _Colonial One_

Re: Illegal Substances

* * *

Laura,

HTH did you hear about that? Starbuck let it out last night when we were sharing a few drops of that gutrot of the Chief's. She's my best source of gossip. Anyway, I fully agree with your plans to secure said contraband, especially if you intend what I _think_ you intend…

And do I really HAVE to contact Tory? You know how I feel about her. I'd much rather contact you direct.

Bill.

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

Second part!

* * *

From: Chief Tyrol, _Galactica_ [encrypted]

To: Knuckledraggers, NCU members

BCC: Starbuck, Anders.

Re: Recovery

* * *

We're meeting outside the small arms locker at 21:00 to come up with ways of getting those crates onto BSG. All non-BSG residents will get a cut in return for helping, or at least keeping mum. Remember, it's crucial that Zarek and his cronies don't find out what we're up to, or we're all screwed. There's nothing more pretentious than a reformed terrorist.

* * *

From: Sammy

To: Kara

Re: ?

* * *

Clearly you know something. I demand to know what you know. WHAT IS IN THOSE CRATES?

* * *

From: Kara, who is still God [encrypted]

To: Sammy, who is behind the times

Re: re: ?

* * *

You moron. You can't send emails like that out. D'you want everyone down on us like a ton of bricks? Here's the deal: Chief has heard via scuttlebutt that there's several crates of weed from New Caprica floating about the fleet. We're gonna get 'em back.

* * *

From: Tory Foster, Presidential Aide, _Colonial One_ [encrypted]

To: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, _Colonial One_.

Re: Recon mission

* * *

Madam President,

As requested, I attended the meeting. I will not ask how you knew about it. I will not ask why you're interested in the contents of those crates (and don't try to spin me some high-falutin reason; after all this time I know what you're capable of). I was given an order, and I obeyed it. Mine is not to reason why, especially since my boss likes putting people out airlocks. My recommendations are as follows:

-All trade between ships should be suspended.

-The Admiral should send marines in to search for the contraband.

-All public meetings should be banned.

-All private meetings should be banned.

-Democracy should be banned. Winning is what matters.

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, _Colonial One_

To: William Adama, Fleet Admiral, _Galactica_.

Re: Controlling Illegal Substances

Attached: Email from TF

* * *

Bill,

Have a look at this. I don't know whether to succumb to hysteria or lock the girl up. She's singularly lacking in democratic instincts, that one. And after all that, she didn't even tell me what I wanted to know: _ergo_, the exact current location of those frakking crates!

Laura.

* * *

From: Bill, who is Amused [encrypted]

To: Laura, who has missed her vocation

Re: re: Controlling Illegal Substances

* * *

You're kidding, right? _You're_ complaining about your aide's lack of democratic instincts? Little Miss The People Don't Know What's Good For Them and Let's Airlock Them Anyway? Thanks. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. Saul is giving me strange looks. I think he's contemplating calling Sherman.

* * *

From: Laura, who is Presidentially Pissed Off

To: Bill, who is in Big Trouble

Re: FOCUS!

* * *

William Adama! I'm insulted. If Sherman locks you up don't bother calling for me. On second thoughts, call for me - but only _after_ I've gotten my hands on a certain substance. I haven't forgotten how you were affected last time, Admiral, and I think revenge may be very, very, sweet. You: intoxicated to the point of losing that infamous control of yours. Me: being sultry in RED.

And after I've reduced you to a gibbering wreck I may reconsider throwing you out an airlock.

So you see, it's even more important to get that frakking weed ASAP.

* * *

From: Bill, who is alarmed, but not for the reason you think [encrypted]

To: Laura, who needs a crash course in security NOW

Re: re: FOCUS!

* * *

Laura, light of my life – YOU FORGOT TO ENCRYPT YOUR LAST MAIL. Do I need to remind you of the talents of certain members of my staff and yours? I'm turning Gaeta onto you, pronto.

* * *

From: Laura in Panic Mode

To: Bill, who is a Tower of Strength

Re: FRAK

* * *

Frak. Frak. Frakkity frak. Um, help? Damage control? Forget it, just kill me now. Tory is gonna have my guts for this. Damn. I should encrypt this mail, but I don't know how. I don't understand this old tech. *grumble*

* * *

From: Playa P, Fleet News Corp.

To: The Fleet

Re: BREAKING NEWS! MILITARY IN BED WITH GOVT! PRESIDENT GIVES ADMIRAL KINKY THREATS!

* * *

We've long suspected it from watching eye-tag and lingering touches, but now rumours that President Roslin and Admiral Adama are in the throes of a passionate affair have been confirmed. Sources inside _Colonial One_ were able to recover an email from the President to the Admiral in which she threatened to tie him up and get him high on drugs. Leaving aside the question of where our fine upstanding President intends to procure said drugs, this raises all sorts of concerns regarding the integrity of the fleet's governing duo. Vice-President Tom Zarek claimed to be 'shocked and appalled' by this morning's revelations, and has promised to bring it up at the next meeting of the Quorum of Twelve…

* * *

From: Starbuck

To: The Old Man

Re: 'Breaking News'

* * *

Seriously? You and the President? Way to go, old man! And I like the kinky. Kinky is good.

* * *

From: Commander Lee Adama

To: Admiral Adama

Re: 'Breaking News'

* * *

Dad, please tell me they're lying. Please tell me someone frakked up. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY FATHER'S SEX LIFE. Ever. That is just … wrong.

* * *

From: Tom Zarek, Vice-President, _Colonial One_

To: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, _Colonial One_.

Re: The News

* * *

Laura,

You've done it. You've well and truly landed both yourself and the Admiral in it. I think the only thing for you to do is resign. As a private individual, you can be as – er – kinky as you like with Adama, if that's what floats your boat. Although really, Laura, you play the prim little schoolteacher-cum-president so well that I'd never have guessed in a million years. Still waters run deep, h'mm?

Tom.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Next part. Thanks to Aphelionite and TheBreeze for their reviews!

_

* * *

From: Tory Foster, Presidential Aide, Colonial One_

_To: The Press_

_RE: Press Statement_

* * *

The President's Office refuses to deal in rumour or hearsay. Rumour is the fruit of boredom, and -judging from recent rumour - the fleet is evidently extremely bored and media clearly mired in the depths of the 'silly season'. The President wishes to remind the fleet that the situation has not changed; we are still on the run from the Cylons, still under pressure to find food, water and fuel. The Office also wishes to remind the press of several salient points, to wit: even the leaders of the fleet are entitled to their privacy. Secondly, 'freedom of the press' is not a carte-blanche to spread the gossip of fools, especially when said gossip deals with the sex lives of two individuals who are old enough to know better.

_

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Colonial One [triple encrypted]_

_To: Admiral Adama, Galactica_

_Re: Press Statement_

* * *

wehjwehwejkwehrkjthrjtkl

_

* * *

From: Bill, who is bemused_

_To: Laura_

_Re: re: press statement_

* * *

What was that?

_

* * *

From: Laura_

_To: Bill_

_Re: re: RE: press statement_

* * *

What?

_

* * *

From: Bill who is rapidly losing patience_

_To: Laura, who would try a saint_

_Re: your mail!_

* * *

You sent me a mail an hour ago. Clearly it is important since it's triple-encrypted – what possessed you to do that anyway? It's a frakking pain in the ass to decrypt those at the best of times – and I can't open it. Help or I'll call Felix.

_

* * *

From: Laura Being Smug [encrypted]_

_To: Admiral Technofail_

_Re: mail_

* * *

Oh, you mean you fail at security now? Nice to know you're not infallible. The code is: BJSMPDL.

_

* * *

From: Admiral Adama, Galactica_

_To: Laura Roslin, the Universe's Most Frustrating President_

_Re: re: mail_

* * *

Laura, that didn't work either.

_

* * *

From: President Geek_

_To: Admiral Idiot_

_Re: re: mail_

* * *

Of course it didn't, it's a CODE. You need to break it.

_

* * *

From: Bill, who is Trying to Be Very Patient_

_To: Laura, who STILL fails at tech_

_RE: re: RE: mail_

* * *

Yes, but you need a KEY to break it.

_

* * *

From: Laura_

_To: Bill_

_RE: key_

* * *

My dear Bill, think what you've just said. KEY. What do you use a key in? And what's my favourite type of exit?

_

* * *

From: Bill_

_To: Miss Roslin_

_Re: re: key_

* * *

Only you, Laura. Only you.

_

* * *

From: Bill, foaming at the mouth_

_To: Laura_

_Re: !_

* * *

Laura Roslin, you're going to be the death of me. You mean you had me jumping all those hoops just to read a rather imaginative description of what you plan to do to your aide? Gods grant me patience.

_

* * *

From: Laura [encrypted]_

_To: Bill_

_Re: re: RE: key_

* * *

Well, considering what happened the _last_ time I threatened physical punishment… Besides, she deserves it. I never told her to write that, she did it off her own bat. She didn't deny anything AND had the cheek to imply that you and I are too old to have an affair. Vengeance was called for, I thought.

_

* * *

From: Bill [encrypted]_

_To: Laura_

_RE: Punishing coworkers_

* * *

I don't think she actually said that. If memory serves, she simply said we're old enough to know better which is certainly true if tactless. Leave the girl alone. She has a thankless task, you know.

So what are we going to do? Do we ignore the rumours or act?

_

* * *

From: Laura, who has A Cunning Plan [encrypted]_

_To: Bill_

_Re: And I have a plan…_

* * *

I will give Tory this much: she's efficient. And by neither denying nor confirming the press's rumours, she's inadvertently given us some wriggle room, and gods know we need it with Zarek gunning for my resignation. That is Not Going To Happen as I don't think I need to tell you. So … the question, my dear Admiral, is what do you value more: our reputations or the prospect of a private supply of weed?

_

* * *

From: Bill, who is being cautious [encrypted]_

_To: Laura, who is entirely too pleased with herself_

_Re: The Plan_

* * *

That's a difficult question…. But I think the answer really has to be: it's all about the weed.

_

* * *

From: Laura, who is A Very Happy Teacher [encrypted]_

_To: Bill, Prize Pupil_

_RE: re: The Plan_

* * *

Have a gold star. Well done. Whilst I would have been deeply, deeply moved and touched if you'd said that _naturally_ our reputations (mainly mine) had to come first, I would also have been disappointed at your lapse in strategic thinking. That being so, a little distraction is in order…

_

* * *

From: Anonymous_

_To: The Fleet_

_RE: POLL_

* * *

Everyone's talking about the supposed affair between President Roslin and Admiral Adama, but no-one has asked what you, the people, think about this. So tick your boxes and hit the nice little 'send' button and let your voice be heard!

I think a relationship between the President and the Admiral:

Is their own business and I don't want it rubbed in my face. As long as the fleet continues to operate at maximum efficiency that's all I care about.

Is disturbing on a fundamental level. Old people frakking? Ick. No way.

Is a betrayal of the Fleet and the democratic principles that should guide us.

Is True Love. Awww.

_

* * *

From: Starbuck_

_To: Apollo_

_RE: poll_

* * *

So what did you pick?

_

* * *

From: Apollo_

_To: Starbuck_

_RE: re: poll_

* * *

Options B and C summed up my feelings best. *shudder* You?

_

* * *

From: Starbuck_

_To: Apollo_

_RE: the poll_

* * *

The last one of course. I CC'd my answer to the Admiral, along with a list of suggestions.

_

* * *

From: Apollo, who is Feeling Rather Ill_

_To: Starbuck_

_RE: Er…_

* * *

Do I want to know? WHAT KIND OF SUGGESTIONS?

_

* * *

From: Starbuck_

_To: Apollo_

_Re: re: Er…_

* * *

About upping the kink factor, naturally. The bondage thing was a good plan, but…

_

* * *

From: Apollo, Mentally Scarred For Life_

_To: Starbuck, who is never emailing me again_

_RE: re: re: Er…_

I'm blacklisting you. You're spammed. You're evil and must be destroyed. Ewwww…..

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

From: Playa Palacios, Fleet News Corp.

To: The Fleet

RE: SURPRISE POLL SHOWS OPINION FAVOURS ADAMA/ROSLIN LIASON!

The results from an anonymous poll that has been circulating the fleet's cybercircuits for the past few days are in. The poll had an unusually high response rate – 80% - and shows that a significant proportion of the fleet are romantics at heart with 30% of respondents choosing the 'True Love' option. A further 30% believed that a Roslin/Adama affair is their own business providing it doesn't interfere with the smooth running of the fleet. Of the remainder, 10% fall into the 'squicked' category, which implies that they don't care if rumours of an affair are so long as they can pretend it isn't happening, which means that only a paltry 20% are actually concerned about the wider political issues. Vice-President Baltar finds this 'deeply disturbing' and has renewed calls for Roslin's resignation. He is now supported by the delegates of the more conservative colonies, including Gemenon's Sarah Porter, once a strong supporter of Roslin. We understand that this group has taken to referring to Roslin as the 'Scarlet Woman', a descriptor that will ring particularly true for those who saw Roslin at President Baltar's groundbreaking ceremony on New Caprica.

From: Bill, who is still grinning [encrypted]

To: The Scarlet Woman

RE: Playa's effusion

How does it feel to be depicted as a flaming temptress?

From: The Scarlet Woman [encrypted]

To: Her Would-Be Paramour

Re: Playa's tripe

*martyred sigh* All in a day's work for a female politician. So much for progress.

From: Bill [encrypted]

To: Laura

Re: re: Playa's tripe

So you're not secretly enjoying it?

From: Laura, who is pretending to be offended for Tory's benefit [encrypted]

To: Bill, who knows me too well

Re: re: re: Playa's tripe

Officially, I'm shocked and horrified and Tory has sent a statement to that effect to Playa and her little cronies. Unofficially – flattered? At my age? Hell, yeah!

From: A Happy Little Starbuck

To: Grumpy Apollo

Re: news

Do I need to send for Doc Cottle?

From: Galactica Postmaster

To: Starbuck

Re: Undelivered Mail

We are sorry to inform you that your mail to 'Grumpy Apollo' has not been sent. We suggest that you check your security settings and advise your recipient to do likewise.

From: Captain Thrace, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Commander Adama, Galactica

RE: Server issues

Well? Did you see? Most of the fleet agrees with yours truly.

From: Commander Adama [encrypted]

To: Captain Thrace

Re: re: Server Issues

I thought I banned you.

From: Captain Thrace [encrypted]

To: Commander Adama

RE: re: re: Server Issues

You banned Starbuck. You forgot to ban Captain Thrace. *smirk* Seems someone other than Madam President needs a 'fresher course in email security.

From: Admiral Adama, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Colonial One

Re: supply reports

Att: FWD from KT

Well, Madam President, it looks as if Phase One has been a resounding success. Shall we move to Phase Two of Operation Weed? Oh, and I've attached a report from Starbuck re supply.

From: Laura, who desperately needs a fan [encrypted]

To: Bill, who is responsible

Re: re: supply reports (!)

Bill, that was NOT a supply report. I presume you sent that by mistake… unless this is your less-than-subtle method of continuing Phase One. As for Phase Two, it's all systems go (isn't that what you say?). I'm rather sorry Phase One succeeded so well – it means everyone's so busy watching us that we don't get to take part in the fun.

From: Bill in Leering Mode [encrypted]

To: Laura, who does demure Really Badly

RE: phases

There's other kinds of fun we could be taking part in… Don't worry, I've got a crack team in mind for Phase Two.

From: Laura, snickering madly [encrypted]

To: Oblivious Bill

RE; re: phases

A 'crack team'? Very good. Tory is looking rather nervous, and I do like making Tory nervous. It's much more fun than dealing with my correspondence.

From: Admiral Adama [triple-encrypted]

To: Starbuck, Helo, Kat, Athena, Apollo, Chief Tyrol.

CC: Col. Tigh

BCC: Laura Roslin

Re: Briefing at 07:00 tomorrow

My quarters. Be there. No excuses.

From: Helo

To: Athena

RE: summons

Any ideas?

From: Athena the Brilliant [encrypted]

To: Helo, who is being Dumber Than Usual

Re: re: summons

Duh. Drug recovery op, maybe? You did see the bit where Roslin threatened to do kinky stuff. I know we don't like her, but if it makes the old man happy… Uh. I think I need to lie down. That was a mental image I did not need.

From: Random Minion Posing As Security Officer [encrypted]

To: Tom Zarek

Re: plan

You want me to what? Do you know how much Roslin hates having security hanging around her?

From: Tom [encrypted]

To: Random Minion Posing As Security Officer

Re; re: plan

Suck it up. When she and the Admiral are together, you stick closer than glue, got it? But try not to be obvious about it. You know… lurk. They're up to something and I wanna know what.

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Tom Zarek, Vice-President and Failed Snoop

Re: your inept surveillance

Tom,

I don't know what you're playing at – scratch that, I have a very good idea and it WON'T WORK. If your man breathes heavily on my neck one more time there will be repercussions. One may involve an airlock. The other – infinitely more entertaining option, in my opinion – is the Admiral. Suffice it to say that your man will be lucky to escape with all portions of his anatomy intact. And then we're coming for you.


	5. Chapter 5

From: Admiral Adama, Galactica

To: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Colonial One

Re: Op Status Report

* * *

Laura,

Our people have been briefed. They know what's expected of them and they'll be getting into place this evening. We've decided to run it as a combination of straight and covert ops.

* * *

From: Laura, who still doesn't completely understand the military

To: Bill, who does

Re: re: Op Status Report

* * *

OK. That's good to know. Um, I'm trying to understand one thing: you don't want CIC to know what we're up to, right? So – how is your 'crack team' going to stay in touch?

* * *

From: Bill, who has everything under control

To: Laura, who is clueless

Re: contact

* * *

We thought of that one ourselves. The Chief came up with the solution – he's wired up the comm units to my private console and tweaked them to handle speech-to-text input. So when the team phone home it'll appear in my inbox as a series of Spacebook-style status reports. I'll forward them on to you.

* * *

From: Laura, who knows she's clueless!

To: Bill, who enjoys rubbing it in FAR TOO MUCH

Re: re: contact

* * *

Uh, Spacebook? Should I know this?

* * *

From: Bill with his Military Advisor Hat On

To: Laura, who clearly chose the wrong one

Re: spacebook

* * *

It's a networking site that was set up by the Colonial Fleet fifty years ago. Originally, it was just for cadets at the Academy, but when they graduated they took their Spacebook profiles with them and it just kept running. It's occasionally useful, but it tends to be dominated by the younger generation. It's been a real nightmare as far as Official Secrets go – some of those kids have no concept of discretion.

* * *

From: Laura, who is intrigued

To: Bill, Man of Mystery

RE: re: spacebook

* * *

That sounds suspiciously like the voice of experience, Admiral. Do tell. And since I'm officially C-i-C do I get one?

* * *

From: Starbuck

To: Boss

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Starbuck is cursing her bosses for coming up with impossible plans. I can't see more than a metre in front of my face.

* * *

From: Apollo

To: Starbuck

CC: Dad

* * *

Re: STATUS REPORT

Apollo is telling Starbuck to shut the frak up and get on with her job. Shit. I hate this wig.

* * *

From: Starbuck

To: Apollo

CC: the old man

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Starbuck is thinking that Apollo has it easy. His wig is just curly. Mine is long AND curly. And I CAN'T SEE!

* * *

From: Athena

To: Admiral Adama

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Athena is in place and rather liking the all-black look. Especially the mask.

* * *

From: Kat

To: Admiral Adama

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Kat is freaking out at having to meet up with her old mates and hopes her new ones will stick tight.

* * *

From: Helo

To: Kat

CC: Admiral Adama

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Helo is hoping that this experience will kill any lingering pro-drug instincts Katraine may have.

* * *

From: Laura, who is torn between confusion and amusement

To: Bill, who has clearly Lost It

Re: op

* * *

What kind of an op are you running? Wigs? Glasses? Masks? What ARE THEY DOING? And Helo is an insufferable prig. I'm starting to feel a whole new sympathy for Athena.

From: Chief Tyrol

* * *

To: Admiral Adama

CC: Kat, Athena, Helo, Starbuck, Apollo

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Tyrol is Yoo hoo! I'm in charge of the guns! And the raptor! And I can make it all go 'bang' instead of just having to fix other people's frak-ups!

* * *

From: Kat, Athena, Helo, Starbuck, Apollo

To: Chief Tyrol

CC: Admiral Adama

Re: STATUS REPORT

* * *

Yeah, just don't blow a hole in us. Or Galactica. Otherwise you'll be in a world of hurt that even you can't fix when we come after you.

* * *

From: Laura, who is fascinated in a fixated-by-horror kind of way

To: Bill, who must have Nerves of Steel

Re: op

* * *

Bill, uh … do you never worry about the mental stability of your pilots? Because it seems, um, rather lacking.

* * *

From: Starbuck

To: Boss

Re: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Starbuck is wishing the environmental cycler worked better. Wig plus glasses plus suit plus heels = a hot unhappy SB. Boss, tell your woman I hate her.

* * *

From: Apollo, Athena, Helo, Kat

To: Starbuck

CC: Admiral Adama

* * *

RE: STATUS UPDATE

We are in stitches because this is the funniest thing ever. Starbuck just walked into a closed hatch. Has the President ever done that?

* * *

From: Laura, who is Missing Something

To: Bill

Re: Your surrogate daughter who may have a date with an airlock

* * *

Bill, is there something I should know… honey?

* * *

From: Bill, who Swears Innocence

To: Laura, who has a nasty suspicious mind

Re: not if I have anything to do with it

* * *

Laura, I had nothing to do with it. I told Starbuck to think out of the box. I think she's disposed of the box altogether. I'm just as horrified as you are. And curious. Very, very curious.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama

To: Chief Tyrol

Re: pssst

* * *

Chief, can you do me a favour? Get a shot of Starbuck in her disguise.

From: Chief Tyrol

To: Admiral Adama

* * *

Re: re: psst

Well, I'll try, sir, but I don't think the disguise will be intact when she gets back. This is STARBUCK we're talking about.

* * *

From: Laura, who is COMING TO GET YOU NOW BILL ADAMA!

To: Bill, who'd better be VERY VERY SORRY!

Re: doppelgangers

* * *

All right. I'm taking deep breaths. I'm trying very, very, hard not to scream or hurt Tory. Or plot things to hurt you. Would you, Admiral, care to explain exactly HOW Star-frakking-buck ended up pretending to be ME? The last time I looked, I wasn't in the habit of traipsing through the Astral Queen looking for drugs (no matter what I might want to do). Besides, STARBUCK? We don't look anything alike. She's taller than I am, for one thing. And uh, blonder. And … younger. I think I might be thinner. Thank Kobol cancer and New Caprica are good for some things.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama

To: Cally

Re: The President's imminent arrival

* * *

Madam President will be docking shortly. I have the feeling she's a little annoyed. Tell her I'm in the engine room, down on uh…. deck twenty or whatever the bottom one is. That's an order, Specialist.

TBC.

Apologies for the frakked up separators.


	6. Chapter 6

From: Random Minion, Astral Queen [encrypted]

To: Tom Zarek, Colonial One

Re: The President…

* * *

Say, do you know that Madam President has been seen here? Apparently she's rooting down in the storage compartments. I think she's onto us.

* * *

From: Tom Zarek, Colonial One [encrypted]

To: Random Minion, Astral Queen

Re: re: The President

* * *

Really? That's uh … very interesting. H'mm. Call Playa. NOW. This is too good an opportunity to miss.

* * *

From: Playa P., Fleet News Corp.

To: the Fleet

Re: BREAKING NEWS! PRESIDENT ROSLIN SPOTTED STEALING DRUGS!

* * *

In a startling twist, reports have come in from the Astral Queen saying that the President has been seen sneaking around storage compartments. Since Tom Zarek's compact with the administration two years ago, it was generally agreed that the AQ was best equipped to handle sensitive substances. It should be noted that most of these are for medicinal use, but it would be naïve to deny that some are for recreational purposes. That being so, speculation is rife over the reasons for Roslin's visit. Is she trying to get high or has her cancer returned? Enquiring minds want to know…

* * *

From: Random Minion Posing As Security Officer, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Tom Zarek, Colonial One

Re: The President

* * *

You said you wanted updates when I could give them without 'breathing over Laura like a randy boy in a club'. The President is currently in CIC and – from the look on his face – giving Colonel Tigh a hard time over something.

* * *

From: Tom Zarek, Colonial One [encrypted]

To: Random Minion Posing as Security Officer, Galactica

RE: re: the President

* * *

Uh, Jules, are you CERTAIN that's the President over there? Check your news feed.

* * *

From: Random Minion Posing as Security Officer, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Tom Zarek

RE: you think I'm blind or something?

* * *

Tom, there ain't nothing wrong with my sight. I don't know what Playa's on about, but that's definitely Roslin right here, right now. And gods, is she PISSED! Tigh's starting to look hassled. I could almost feel sorry for the guy…

* * *

From: Tom Zarek [encrypted]

To: Random Minion Posing as Security Officer, Galactica

RE: re: you think I'm blind or something?

* * *

Interesting. Very, very interesting. Try to find out what's got her knickers in a twist. In the meantime, I HAVE A PLAN!

* * *

From: Playa P, Fleet News Corp.

To: The Fleet

RE: BREAKING NEWS: ROSLIN OUTED AS A CYLON!

* * *

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that correctly. Our beloved president, scourge of the Cylon and other dissenters, has indeed been revealed as a Cylon. Further to our earlier report, we received confirmation from trusted sources that Roslin had been spotted both on Galactica's CIC and in the Astral Queen's storage compartments at precisely the same time. Thus, we came to the inescapable conclusion which is certain to throw the fleet into disarray. If Laura Roslin is a Cylon, serious questions must also be asked of Admiral Adama, who has been her constant stay and support…

* * *

From: Athena, Helo, Apollo, Kat, Tyrol.

To: Admiral Adama

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

What the frak?

* * *

From: Helo

To: Athena

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Helo is contemplating Roslin as a Cylon and thinks it would be a scarily appropriate twist of ironic genius…

* * *

From: Athena

To: Helo

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Athena is muttering dire imprecations and planning to hit her idiot husband later. ROSLIN IS NOT A CYLON!

* * *

From: Helo

To: Athena

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Helo hopes that Athena's 'dire imprecations' will mean something nice for him tonight. What do you mean she's not a Cylon? There were two of her, the news said.

* * *

From: Athena

To: Helo

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Athena is longing for a hard surface to *headdesk*. You frakking idiot, Helo. Really, I love you, but can't you engage those two grey cells you call a brain before you open your mouth? There's two Roslins because STARBUCK is one of them.

* * *

From: Helo

To: Athena

RE:STATUS UPDATE

* * *

Helo is going bright red. Yeah, I uh… forgot about that bit.

* * *

From: Starbuck [encrypted]

To: Admiral Adama

RE: STATUS UPDATE

* * *

I think someone might have seen me and got the wrong idea. Whoops. That wasn't the plan, honest. But – I got the crate! Only one of 'em but it's got so many chains and things around it there must be something interesting inside.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama [encrypted]

To: Helo, Athena, Starbuck, Kat, Apollo, Tyrol.

RE: GET THE FRAK HOME NOW!

* * *

What it says. The crate's a bonus at this point.

* * *

From: Starbuck [encrypted]

To: Admiral Adama, who seems a little bothered about something

RE: GET THE FRAK HOME NOW!

* * *

What's the problem, old man? We did it, didn't we? No applause or claps on the back?

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Galactica [encrypted]

To: Admiral Adama, who'd better stop hiding NOW

Re: come out, come out, wherever you are…

* * *

Because you know I'll get you eventually. Bill, this hare-brained plan has gone too far. What do we do now? I don't know what's worse – having the fleet convinced I'm a druggie who moonlights as a thief, or having them think I'm a Cylon. ME. Grrr…

* * *

From: Bill [encrypted]

To: Laura

RE: well, technically

* * *

You are sorta Cylon. Hera's blood, remember?

* * *

From: Laura, who is grinding her teeth [encrypted]

To: Bill

RE: re: well, technically

* * *

AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? I'd be dead now if it wasn't for you.

* * *

From: Bill, who is Pissed OFF [encrypted]

To: Laura, who is being a frakking moron

RE: re: well, technically

* * *

Well, excuse me for preferring you alive! Laura, Cylon blood does not make you a Cylon. I was joking – put it down to bad taste on my part. Look on the bright side: we've got a crate of weed. You were the one who said you didn't care about sacrificing our reputations.

* * *

From: Laura, still in a snit [encrypted]

To: Bill

RE: re: RE: well, technically

* * *

Yes, but I didn't mean it quite so literally.

* * *

From: Bill [encrypted]

To: Laura

Re: Be careful what you wish for

* * *

…you may get it.

* * *

From: Laura, who is Thinking Hard [encrypted]

To: Bill, Object of Thinking

RE: re: Be careful what you wish for

* * *

H'mmm, and do you know what I'm wishing for right now?

* * *

From: Bill, who is flattered [encrypted]

To: Laura,

Re: re: RE: Be careful what you wish for

* * *

Does it involve you, me, and weed?

* * *

From: Laura, who is purring [encrypted]

To: Bill, who is a mouse

Re: Be careful…

* * *

It involves: you plus airlock, me plus weed. Never the twain shall meet.

* * *

From: Bill, who is too old for this crap [encrypted]

To: Laura, who should be too old for this crap

RE: re: Be careful

* * *

Aw, Laura, don't make me climb down into the bowels of the ship again. Bad enough doing it once. I've already heard all about it from Cottle.

* * *

From: Laura, who is ignoring jibes [encrypted]

To: Bill, who should have more sense

RE: re: Be careful

* * *

Did I make you climb into the bowels? I did not. That was your own plan. Now get up here now, or I'll … H'mm, I think it's time to think of something a little more inventive.

* * *

From: Bill, who is perking up [encrypted]

To: Laura

Re: inventive

* * *

I like the sound of that. Naughty corner, perhaps?

* * *

From: Tory Foster, Presidential Aide, Colonial One [encrypted]

To: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Galactica

Re: emergency

* * *

Laura, you need to drop whatever it is you're doing over there (I refuse to think about the possibilities in any detail) and come back. Tom Zarek is grandstanding in a sickening fashion and he's convened both the press and the Quorum. If you don't return immediately you may find yourself marooned on Galactica permanently.

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Admiral's Quarters [encrypted]

To: Tory Foster, Presidential Aide, Colonial One

BCC: Admiral Adama

Re: re: emergency

* * *

Honestly, you'd think Zarek had nothing better to do with his time. I knew he was up to something when he offered me the Presidency again, the weasel. H'mm, no, that's Baltar. A fox? Sharp, sly and cunning? Yep, that's Zarek. Or perhaps a snake…

* * *

From: Tory, who is a very model of a presidential aide

To: Laura, presidential pain in the neck

Re: re: re: emergency

* * *

NEVER MIND WHAT FRAKKING ANIMAL HE IS. FOCUS. Or you will cease to be president within the hour. Is that clear enough for you? I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. No, I know I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Before you come back, could you collect some tranquilisers?

* * *

From: Laura, model of poise and elegance, thank you

To: Tory, who does seem to be in a flap

Re: re: re: re: emergency.

* * *

What a good plan. I'll bring a tranquiliser gun as well. It'll do for Zarek et al. On my way now.

* * *

From: Tory at the end of her tether

To: Admiral Adama

Re: Help…

* * *

Admiral, would you do me a huge favour? Send someone over to shoot me before she gets back. I can't take any more.


	7. Chapter 7

From: Tory Foster, Press Office, Colonial One

To: Playa P., Fleet News Corp.

Re: Press Statement

* * *

President Roslin would like to state calmly and unequivocally that she does not steal and is most certainly not a Cylon. She confirms that she was indeed in Galactica's CIC when she was supposedly spotted in the Astral Queen's storage compartment. She is tempted to think that the culprit was someone trying to be funny, and suggests they stay away from her for the immediate future.

* * *

From: Apollo, who is suffocated with laughter

To: Starbuck, who has been Publicly Ticked Off

Re: oooooh!

* * *

You're in for it now, Kara. I don't think the President's a very happy bunny.

* * *

From: Starbuck, who is panicking. A bit.

To: Boss

Re: press statement

* * *

You won't let her hurt me, will you? I did get the weed.

* * *

From: Boss

To: The one and only Starbuck

Re: re: press statement

* * *

You did. I shall placate her with that. Er, if she lets me. Hell hath no fury like Laura Roslin humiliated. Although, Kara, WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO THINK DRESSING UP AS THE PRESIDENT WAS A GOOD IDEA?

* * *

From: Kara

To: The old man

Re: re: re: press statement

* * *

I was bored. Nooo, don't tell her that. I was trying to help.

* * *

From: Bill, in protective father mode

To: Laura in a rage

Re: Kara

* * *

She wanted to help. She didn't mean anything by it, and as she keeps reminding me, she did get the weed.

* * *

From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Colonial One (in case you've forgotten) [encrypted]

To: Admiral Adama, the ninth ring of hell.

Re: your surrogate daughter

* * *

Right now, I never want to hear the word 'weed' again.

* * *

From: Bill, who is crestfallen

To: Laura, who wouldn't be so cruel

Re: consequences

* * *

Does this mean you're calling off Phase One as well as Phase Two? I was … enjoying it.

* * *

From: Laura, who refuses to feel flattered

To: Bill, who is impossible

Re: re: consequences

* * *

I'm sure you were, you old goat. Here's a compromise: open the crate, get the weed, and come over here later for a 'nightcap' and I may contemplate forgiving you.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama

To: The Crack Team

Re: your exploits

* * *

OK, people, here's the deal. Madam President is – quite rightly – pretty pissed off with all of us. The only way we can get back into her good graces (and may I remind you all that life is much more … comfortable when she's happy) and escape A Fate Worse Than Death, namely Her Rage and possibly Airlocking Anyway and uh, I've lost my train of thought. Don't get old, kids, it's no fun. Anyway, if we can get the weed out of that crate of Starbuck's, we're home dry.

* * *

From: The Crack Team

To: The old man

Re: re: your exploits

* * *

Uh, sir, we love you, we do, but we NEVER EVER WANT TO HEAR THE SLIGHTEST HINT ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE AGAIN. Just to be clear. Sir. We'll be at your quarters tonight when beta shift ends.

* * *

From: Starbuck, who is as far, far away as she can get

To: the old man, who isn't going to get lucky

Re: Um

* * *

Yes. I think we might have a teeny-tiny problem. Frak.

* * *

From: Admiral Adama

To: Captain Thrace

Re: The mission…

* * *

Yes…? And the problem is?

* * *

From: The Crack Team, who are plotting desertion

To: Our Beloved Boss, who may just save all our skins (or sacrifice his own which is better)

Re: We have a problem

* * *

In the spirit of solidarity we are joining with Starbuck in sending this, even though it's all her fault. We, uh, opened the crate. Just to see, you understand. It was a long and difficult operation and we have the bruises to prove it (Helo just has the mental scars from watching the contortions Starbuck, Athena and Kat got into). Apollo is in hysterics. Tyrol is trying to put everything back together again to make it look like we didn't try to um, anticipate you, but even Helo can see it's a lost cause. You see, the crate is empty. Totally. Unmistakably. We think it was decoy, part of Zarek's latest Fiendish Plot. Sorry, sir. Looks like you're screwed. (Or not, as Starbuck adds. Apollo is beginning to make worrying noises…)

* * *

From: Admiral Adama

To: The Not So Crack Team

RE: Take warning…

* * *

Once we get this mess sorted out, you lot are moving to the brig. Permanently. Now find me some weed! You have less than two hours.

* * *

From: Starbuck, dismally facing a grounded future

To: Crack Team

Re: Plans?

* * *

The only thing I can think of is to send someone over to Colonial One with some of the good stuff the knuckledraggers make. Mix it in her tea and she'll be so sloshed she won't care about weed. Frak. We're doomed, aren't we?

* * *

From: Helo

To: Crack Team

Re: re: Plans?

* * *

Couldn't we fake it? Find some other plant and roll it into fags? You know, like uh, chamalla?

* * *

From: Apollo

To: Crack Team

Re: doh!

* * *

Uh, CHAMALLA? And you don't think that the President is perhaps the one woman on the fleet who is intimately acquainted with chamalla in all its forms? Athena, hurt your husband before I do something you'll regret.

* * *

From: Athena, rubbing her hands in glee

To: The Dim Witted Crack Team

Re: a brainwave

* * *

I have a plan. Who hates – or should hate – Roslin more than Zarek? I'll save you the trouble of trying to work it out. ME! Now, I wouldn't really hurt her (just because of the old man) but I think it's time to do a little double-crossing…*evil Cylon smirk*


	8. Chapter 8

_From: Random Minion, _Astral Queen_ [encrypted]_

_To: Tom Zarek_

_Re: Movable goods_

* * *

I've had a stroke of luck. That pet Cylon of Adama's has defected. Something about wanting to pull a fast one on Roslin. I've enlisted her in moving crates of contraband. She had the bright idea of storing them on _Colonial One_ and implicating Roslin.

_

* * *

From: Tom, with much gnashing of teeth [encrypted]_

_To: Random Minion Who Will Soon Be Dead Random Minion_

_Re: you unspeakable moron!_

* * *

You let Athena help you? ATHENA? I know there's no love lost between her and Roslin, but … Athena?

_

* * *

From: Athena the Genius who has a Slight Problem [encrypted]_

_To: The Crack Team_

_Re: er…_

* * *

I'm stuck. I managed to convince one of Zarek's minions to move the real contraband onto _Colonial One_, together with copious hints about how we could use this to pretend it'd been Roslin all along. Moron never even considered the same argument could apply to Zarek, who has much, MUCH more to lose. But um, now I can't get back to _Galactica_. I hitched a lift on a medical raptor to the AQ and travelled with the Dumb Minion, but he's scarpered and – and the only way off here is in a raptor. With Roslin. With me not driving. She's gonna airlock me, I know it…

_

* * *

From: Laura, who has spied a Cylon [encrypted]_

_To: Bill_

_Re: Cylon in my raptor!_

* * *

AKA Athena. Why? She's not driving. And she keeps whimpering and giving me funny looks. Honestly, threaten to space a girl once… Progress?

_

* * *

From: Admiral Adama [encrypted]_

_To: The Completely Cracked Up Team_

_Re: Athena and weed_

* * *

Question 1: what is Athena doing in the President's raptor and why don't I know about it?

Question 2: where's our weed?

_

* * *

From: The Completely Awesome Team Who Just Saved Your Admiral Ass [encrypted]_

_To: Admiral Adama_

_Re: re: Athena and weed_

* * *

Our resident Cylon had a genius plan to solve all our problems at once.

Problem one: Lacking Weed, but Zarek-Minions In The Know.

Solution one: pretend to defect to Zarek and bat pretty brown Cylon eyes at Minion until Minion spills. She might be a Cylon, but he's a man. (NB: do not tell Helo this part. We don't want to break him).

Problem two: Zarek has the um, President over a barrel. (Not literally, sir, at least we hope not!)

Solution two: dump the weed on _Colonial One_. This means you and Madam President can get stoned and uh, do whatever it is you do (just don't tell Apollo. He's gone green). It also means we can release a story telling Athena's heroic recovery mission from Zarek. Da-da! Quorum dumps Zarek and Madam President loves us forever.

Problem three: getting Athena back from _Colonial One_.

Solution three: we uh, haven't worked that out yet. Athena may be slightly worried. Sir? Help?

_

* * *

From: Laura-in-motion_

_To: Bill_

_Re: Athena_

* * *

Now she's curled up in a little ball. All because I happened to whisper the word 'airlock'. I was not talking about her, for Kobol's sake. I was talking about Tory, who is trying to run my life again. Just when did my twenty-five-year-old aide decide she was my mother? If I want to stay on _Galactica _tonight, I'll stay on _Galactica_. I'm the President, I don't need to explain anything to anyone!

_

* * *

From: Bill [encrypted]_

_To: Laura the Dictator_

_Re: explaining_

* * *

Actually, Laura, I think you'll find that 'accountability' is one of the touchstones of the Articles of Colonisation. Part of that funny political concept called 'democracy' – you know, the one you're supposed to support?

_

* * *

From: Tory Foster, Presidential Aide,_ Colonial One

_To: Admiral Adama_

_Re: The President._

* * *

She's up to something, I know it. She dropped her glasses three times and peered at me in that myopic way she only uses when she's trying to convince me she's just a harmless little former schoolteacher who just happens to like airlocks. Huh. As if. Admiral, I think she wants to stay on _Galactica_ tonight. I think that's a brilliant plan, especially if her quarters are your brig. It's the only way to keep her out of trouble, and Zarek is starting to hover alarmingly.

_

* * *

From: Playa P, Fleet News Corp._

_To: The Fleet_

_Re: BREAKING NEWS! DRUG RING EXPOSED ON COLONIAL ONE!_

* * *

We have discovered from impeccable sources that two crates containing various hallucinogenic substances have been found on Colonial One. Our sources assure us that they could only have got there via Tom Zarek, whose reformation is clearly not even skin-deep. We are certain our readers do not need to be reminded that the Vice-President spent two decades in prison for a range of offenses, and indeed would still be incarcerated now were it not for the timely (for him) destruction of the Colonies. Indeed, this reporter is tempted to ask whether Zarek has been in collusion with the Cylons all along. In that case, we call upon President Roslin to demand his resignation immediately…

_

* * *

From: Laura, who is confused but relieved_

_To: Bill, who'd better have an explanation_

_Re: Playa's latest_

* * *

I won't pretend I didn't nearly pass out from relief when that last feed popped up on my reader, but I know absolutely nothing about it. Who is the source? And how did the drugs make it to MY ship? Unless said drugs are a certain product we've been chasing – in which case, Admiral, you are coming home with me, and sod the gossip.

_

* * *

From: Bill, who is thinking straight_

_To: Laura, who isn't_

_Re: gossip_

* * *

First, you're going to have to wait. Tory doesn't want you back tonight, I can't imagine why. She even suggested I throw you in the brig. Second, if you hare straight back, it'll look suspicious. Come on, Laura, your political instincts are better than that. Time to pull out what Tory calls your 'harmless little schoolteacher' act. Personally, I think Tory was home-schooled. She's clearly had nothing to do with teachers or 'harmless' is the last word she'd use. 'Terrifying' comes closer to the mark. However, I digress. Issue a statement from here, and then, light of my life, I think you'll have some grovelling to do…


End file.
